im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
