he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
