What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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