So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
