I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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