My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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