Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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