if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
