that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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