i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can text with my tongue
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
