Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
