i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
