6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
