She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
