I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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