I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
