I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
