Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
