Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
