I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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