Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
