there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
