forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
