Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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