I wish i was in the wii world.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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