How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
