Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
