they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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