apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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