While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
In America we eat man semen.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize