Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize