Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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