At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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