I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
