those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize