I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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