I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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