pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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