I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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