he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
