I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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