My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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