Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
