She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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