She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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