How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
