i think my tv is drunk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
