We named our party play list daddy issues
We need to rekindle our bromance
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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