I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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