Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
