OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
