i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
