I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
