i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
