What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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