Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
