I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The adults are the big ones right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
