Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
