I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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