I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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