Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
