Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
