I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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