he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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