i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
