That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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