Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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