Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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