There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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