I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
